I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
