I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
