My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you. Go after that dick
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
