you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
