guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
