just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
