I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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