Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
