he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
