Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
