how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
