There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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