I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
