I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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