Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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