either way he was missing a nipple.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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