im drinking this country out of the recession.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
