he told me I talked like a deaf person
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
