you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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