Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I understand Curling. That high.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
