he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
