He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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