so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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