was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I just put wine in my tea
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
