but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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