we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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