look no pants
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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