I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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