OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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