Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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