remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize