He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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