The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
