So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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