i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are we still banned from the library?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
