weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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