I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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