Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
