i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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