awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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