I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize