every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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