I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
