the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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