I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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