Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You pole danced in your parka.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
