Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
