jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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