I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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