My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
