New invention idea: vibrating tampons
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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