I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
