he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
