i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We have so much sex to catch up on
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
