he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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