Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
