Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
