jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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