Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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