Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
