I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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