how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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