I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
