Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
