even my farts smell like vagina
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
