I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
